Chapomatic

I really admire the cut of Beldar’s jib. This is high quality smartassery here (although you guys who didn’t serve alongside smallcraft amphib Vietnam vets during the 2004 election may not quite understand my glee).

I’ll tell ya what, though, Senator: On the off chance that I’m misreading what’s behind your allowing limitations to lapse against O’Neill and Corsi, and you really intended to sue them but just, I dunno, forgot:

You have a standing offer from me: Just sue me here in Houston for defamation. After all, I’ve republished most of the SwiftVets’ claims here on my blog, and I’ve made many of them again in my own voice. I use a pseudonym for my blog name, but it’s not anonymous — my name and address are linked on every page of this blog, and have been since the day it started. I’ll waive any statute of limitations defense. I’ll waive service of process. Hell, I’ll meet you at the federal courthouse doors for the Southern District of Texas, Houston Division (you have diversity jurisdiction), and I’ll even pay your filing fee! 

You think it will be too expensive to have big teams of lawyers? Fine — let’s just you and me tangle one-on-one, both of us pro se. (I’ll agree not to oppose your application for admission pro hac vice to the federal court here in Texas, and I’ll even pay the fees to get your law license reinstated in Massachusetts.) Just me at my table, you at yours, and then twelve jurors good and true in the jury box. (I may need a napkin, though, or maybe even a drool-bucket, because the very notion of going one-on-one with you in court is causing me to salivate.) Or, hell, you can have as many lawyers as you want, and I’ll still go pro se. Go fetch David Boies, he might do it pro bono (unless he’s already figured out what a loser your case would be). Whatever. As long as there’s a judge who can make you shut up each time your turn is over and who’ll then give me a fair turn, I’ll be satisfied.

My one stipulation is: No confidentiality orders, and no motions to quash. Everything that’s uncovered in pretrial discovery has to become part of the public record without delay. We’ll put it all on the internet via a neutral host (say, the WaPo). We’ll do the pretrial depos on video, too, and jointly move the court to permit TV coverage of the trial, so that the public (and the jury, eventually) can see who sweats under oath under the bright lights.

Doesn’t that sound like fun, Senator? Gosh, it does to me.

The only way I see something like this happening, though, is if someone at Kerry’s level of public visibility makes an offer like this in a way that’s entirely too embarrassing to refuse at the same time Kerry’s unwise or vain enough to do it. Which I doubt would happen; at this point I expect he’s just trying to let everything die as much of a death as the Paris negotiations with the North Vietnamese.