Have Stephen Colbert write it. Includes the following pith:
Which reminds me: Before I get started, I have to take care of one other bit of business:
Bad things are happening in countries you shouldnâ€™t have to think about. Itâ€™s all George Bushâ€™s fault, the vice president is Satan, and God is gay.
There. Now Iâ€™ve written Frank Richâ€™s column too.
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